Life’s too good sometimes, when you’re living with somebody else and doing a lot of things they don’t acknowledge. I know this because my girlfriend will often complain about things that I could not care less about. I suppose it’s because those complaints often lose sight of the bigger picture. It’s a mood issue with the attacking party, not usually something that warrants that level of reaction.
An argument that fails to take into account many other viewpoints on a particular topic. It’s sourced from a feeling of agitation and not a position of logic. The real issue is that the person is in a bad mood. They’re actively hunting for anything that might agitate them – and then channeling it to a frivolous fight with you. This tends to happen most often with people who are groggy upon awakening. i.e. “Bitch in the Morning” if something goes “wrong”. Are unrealistic or not communicated expectations simply premeditated resentments?
Example: I walk in the house after playing with the dog in the muddy outdoors, and wipe off the dog’s paws before she walks around the house. Unfortunately for me, I use a dish towel that’s precious to my girlfriend. She goes on to complain that I’m ruining it and that it’s great that I wiped the dog’s paws off for once. She mentions that I didn’t do that great of a job so the carpet is now dirty.
Now, what we don’t acknowledge in this myopic moment here is the following:
1. I play with my girlfriend’s dog (who I love) no less than 30 times-per-week for up to 20 minutes per-session, or around 8-10 hours every week. It’s mutual enjoyment, and I don’t mind doing it at all. I work at home, so I’m available to do this from sunrise to sun-up every day without fail. My girlfriend tends to sleep in, sometimes until 10:00 am (3.5 hours after I’m up). I wouldn’t say I’m ‘doing her a favor’ but I’m certainly improving the quality of the dog’s life. A dirty towel is pale in comparison to playing with the dog in a muddy yard during a rain storm.
2. I purchased the machine that cleans the carpets for around $300. If I had left that up to her, we’d have no way to clean the carpets. Having a concern about something you’ve never taken any action to mitigate is a moot point. Is it really about the carpet?
3. The dish towel is worth around $
Recognize when you’re in a bad mood and find out why. Oversleeping? Not enough Serotonin? Need supplements? Antidepressants? If you wake up in a bad mood and attack people, then something is bothering you. In any case, what’s wrong is with YOU. Don’t see the world thru the lens of your mood. Find out why you are mad, and do something about it.
Someone else’s mood swings generally cause confusion with the person who’s not in a bad mood. Why am I being attacked? It typically leads to fights that you kind of forget where the starting point was. Unfortunately, the person in the bad mood is usually lacking the self-awareness to recognize that. It’s hard to get them to ‘see’ that part of it. Good luck, it goes beyond the scope of this article.