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The Reverse Snitch

One day while working at PC Sweat Shop for $10 an hour, my colleague leaned over to whisper: “Hey man, do you uhhhhh” while he put his fingers to his mouth, signaling the universal safety meeting sign for smoking weed. I thought about it for a bit and hit him back, letting him know we should take a ride during lunch. Boring details of the standard pot head bonding ritual. Burnout + Burnout = Sesh

Lunch: ready to roll ;)–>~ we’re in the car smoking when all of a sudden…

Dudemanbro: suddenly turns to me and asks: “Hey man, are you, like one of those SNITCHES?”

Me: Dude, you’re high. I’m the guy who BROUGHT the weed, right? Why would I….the fuck?

Dudemanbro: Ok, my bad dude I was just checking. You know some people like to rat you out for smoking or whatever.

(We pull in to PC Sweat Shop’s parking lot in cruising back into a spot. I’m calm, high, hungry, and ready to blow my hair back with some QC work on the belts)

Boss: Dudemanbro says that he smelled weed when you came back from lunch.

Me: Oh, that (stupid fuck) did? That’s odd, Boss, you know because I was with him at lunch as witnessed by cogs in the lot. He’s probably just kidding…right? I don’t know what this turd is talking about, Boss, he’s pulling your chain.

Dudemanbro: Hey man sorry, I got paranoid, I thought YOU were going to snitch on me. I had to tell on you first before you got to the boss.

And THAT’S why you don’t just smoke weed with anybody at work… The Reverse Snitch is always waiting to set you up. He/She invites you to break the rules then scrambles to report you for it before you’d do it to them. It’s a classic case of “everyone would do to each other what I would do to them.” Only, that’s not true because I’m no snitch!

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